volume one hundred and thirty-nine

"the tie is a multi-purpose accessory, y'know. belt, school boy, rambo..."

📍Written from Wathaurong Country after staring at all the ideas I have for future volumes and deciding none of them seemed interesting to me anymore. Maybe they will be again another week.

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The truth about living the life I do of constantly being on the move, and also being a dedicated creative, means I carry around a lot of stuff.

There is the sketchbook and pencil case of markers, there is the podcasting microphone, there is the noise cancelling headphones, there are my tarot and affirmation cards, there is my notebook to journal in, there is my reusable water bottle, there is my travel yoga mat, there is my battery operated alarm clock because I refuse to have my phone on first thing in the day, there is my travel pillow for those long train rides, there is my folder of important documents because you never know when you’ll need them, there is the mini ring light and the webcam to make my footage clear on my workshop calls.

There is a lot.

It doesn’t leave much room for wiggle room. I decided to cull my clothing, of which I felt there was already a very finite amount. How did I do this with the oomph I needed? I listened to Mighty Boosh songs very loudly, sang along very loudly, and kept a vision of Vince Noir (or Noel Fielding, I mean both work) close. Would Vince wear this? No? Then to the op-shop it will go.

The result? I was ruthless. My remaining inventory is superbly pleasing.

1. Striped overalls that whenever I put them on I feel like I am seven again. Especially the pocket in the front that I used to call my cheese pocket because there would always be cheese crumbs in there. I loved cheese before I learned it didn’t love me back.

2. A tie-dyed singlet made with my cooler younger cousin, and that also makes my boobs look great and I am allowed to want that very much.

3. A straw cowboy hat that I picked up on my way to Pride two years ago. Plus two caps, one sporting the typewriter of LWS, the other simply says “Women” and usually answers the question “Is she being friendly or flirting?” by how she reacts to the cap.

4. Purple checkered stretchy flares that I almost didn't buy at the market as they only took cash and I only had enough cash on me for one pair. I couldn’t even tell you what the other pair were now but I came very close to choosing those.

5. A cow print summer dress that reminds me I will go back to Nashville.

6. Doc Martens which are a staple and have existed in various K-Mart and Target forms since I was a teenager, before I invested in the real thing in my thirties with the money I was saving not getting drunk every day.

7. A two-piece faux crocodile skin suit that really only works in certain weather but will always work to turn heads or have people strike up a conversation on the train.

8. Two vintage crops owned by my Mum in her twenties (one Harley, the other Triumph). I have to wear a bra with them, and I didn’t have to wear a bra with them always. The tops haven't shrunk, I have drooped.

9. Three shirts which I have removed both the sleeves and the bottom half of, to make me feel like the cool lesbians I couldn’t stop staring at when I was a child. One Elton, one Janis, one Steven and Joe.

10. Tiger print exercise shorts because I do YouTube workouts, dance and yoga.

11. A purple blouse with feathered sleeve cuffs and a large collar that made its debut seeing Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin in the flesh so it will always bring me closer to them.

12. A leopard print summer dress that I wrote about once.

13. The denim button-up shirt my Poppy gave me when I was sixteen that has a hole worn in the elbow and I refuse to get rid of it.

14. White sneakers, as seen here.

15. Trousers that make me look like a disco ball and that exist in videos on multiple phones with my behind mimicking exactly that.

16. Vintage Daisy Duke shorts that I sewed up a little last week from where my toddler niece thought the holes and wear that came from age meant she could grab them and hang onto me that way. I didn’t like my entire butt hanging out of them. Just a little will do.

17. A gold chrome pleated throw-on dress that gets compliments whether I dress it up with heels or throw a t-shirt underneath and some boots. Magpies and crows really love it so I have to avoid it in Spring daylight hours.

18. Three over-sized band t-shirts that mean I can wear my limited pants/shorts/dresses more than once before needing to wash them but make a new outfit with one of these paired with them.

19. Zebra print flared jeans. Need I say more?

20. My oversized wear-it-like-a-dress I Love Lucy shirt that my beautiful friend Steve gave me.

21. My colourful robe which was made by my best friend and that I wear almost every evening to get into the “I am living my best life” headspace.

22. Olive green pleather mini shorts that are very Kylie Minogue and very Debbie Harry, depending on how I feel.

23. Vintage cowboy boots that were meant to be mine and that I feel seven levels of extra confidence the moment I put them on.

24. A one-sleeved snakeskin cotton top I wore on a first date once and realised the one arm with a sleeve was the arm I do everything like eat and drink with. So I was just like, very aware of it all night.

25. My Graceland t-shirt that keeps the dream close.

26. You know that scene in My Girl where she pulls on her hat in the doctor’s office and says “Well I’m just going to have to get a second opinion”? That hat but in cheetah print.

27. A red bikini that makes me channel my inner Baywatch feeling.

28. Two belts, one black and one brown. Both with big buckles.

29. A green and black psychedelic print 60s style mini dress with long sleeves that will come in handy when the weather cools. It was found at an op-shop a few weeks ago and someone was waiting for it should it not fit when I tried it on. It fit, sorry!

30. My stonewash denim jacket that is highly decorated with various band patches collected mostly by my Dad as Christmas gifts and the placement chosen with extreme precision by my Nan in her loungeroom while the iron heated up.

31. Two jumpers, both with bands on them that I also have t-shirts of. But they’re different and jumpers are necessary, even in Australia.

32. Four different satin scarves that weigh nothing but can take an outfit from simple to effort-made with a little tie and an added pop of pattern clashing.

33. A two-piece cotton crop with little shorts for those days when it is just too fucking hot to be existing but I have to exist and I also cannot do it naked.

34. A lemon yellow Playboy t-shirt that makes me feel like I could be your boyfriend in the 50s.

35. Two handbags. One brown leather vintage purse that I saw in my daydreams for weeks and then found for $12 in a second-hand store. One faux fur that if you use your imagination, looks like a butt but is not supposed to.

Lovely reader, head into the comments and tell me about one of your favourite items of clothing and why you love it.

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here are three things i struggled with this week:

🪑 I am again reading Gary Gulman’s daily tips this year. Someone needs to tell Australian comedy clubs about number 84 because where are the stools?

😕 I am a big believer in being allowed to change your mind, especially as you change. So why am I being so hard on myself?

🍬 Feeding my inner child her favourite treats, then accidentally making myself sick.

here are three blessings from this week:

😋 A bestie who emails you the recipes of the yummy food you loved at her house.

🌈 Taking “looking good for my goddamn self” so literally you pause to realise what you’re wearing and all your plans are is walking the dogs in the middle of nowhere. But you’ll feel great doing it!

💐 The hour of chaos I schedule into every day’s calendar.

here are three goals for the coming week:

🎠 Make choices and moves on the things.

📖 Read! Oh gosh, how I missed my book last week. (I did not miss the emails.)

💤 Lots of early starts + a full moon week = take naps.

pics or it didn’t happen:

this big baby fell asleep here and it was a perfect moment

I love you. Now I am off to volunteer at the local Easter Egg hunt. I am thrilled.

🧡, LD (lauren deborah | she/they)