Ahhhhhh!! This is sooo relatable my god. But demisexual Lauren and non sober Lauren seem like a terrible combo for getting hints.
I always had sort of a crush on my *terrible ex-nothing*’s (let’s call him TEN) roommate. Nice roommate was always so kind, goofy and sweet but had a girlfriend. Also, I was too deep in my TEN chaos to clearly consider anyone else. We were all living in the same city and after awhile I left.
A year later I came back to the same city and nice roommate was single. I went to visit him for a week and once night, we had dinner with him and one of this friend. Said friend was asking a lot of questions about my relationship with TEN, about the kind of people I’d like to date and sort of winking to nice roommate a lot. Nice roommate looked embarrassed. I was confused but never thought too much of it.
We hang out a lot that week, it was lovely.
I left and he got in a new relationship.
A year after I that I realised how terrible TEN was (the worst), and felt like no one ever liked me.
That same night I woke up from a dream and realised that I’d like nice roommate all along and that I’m pretty sure he’d liked me back. And I started writing a letter to tell him how I felt (That sounds dramatic haha but it’s absolutely true).
I sent it. He eventually replied that my letter was very kind but he is in a relationship now.
I’m still glad I sent it.
So I guess the wierdest place is my sleep? I don’t know if that counts.
A. I'd love to be at a cafe in a little town...my upper yard upon the plastic chair replacing the adirondack chairs amid the falling leaves and barren branches will have to do.
B. I love that you're wearing a mask, I too am not ready to be unmasked...the anxiety consumes me.
C. Sobriety is such a tricky little sister...I love her, but she teases me with solid thoughts and clarity, damnit.
Oh the oblivious Laure . For some reason that doesn't surprise me one bit. Remember, with the drinking, also came a lot of terrible self-esteem, which doesn't make for a healthy "Hey maybe X is into me and that's what's going on!" moments.
A good few years ago now, I almost broke s friendship because I did the very rare thing (for me) of falling for someone. This someone was a friend, of course, cos that's how it works for me, and also straight (this was me pre-trans) and married and loved me too, but platonically.
This was ehile I was dealing with a mental breakdown which really didn't help because every kindness from anyone just hit even more deeply and painfully than usual.
I got jealous. I got sulky. I tried to cross boundaries. And fortunately she just kept those lines in place, and encouraged our friendship and the person she could see beyond the awful shit going on in my brain.
But it was the realisation that, actually, it would be way, way, way 1000x worse to keep on as I was, than it would be to learn to love her as a friend and set the rest aside.
Once I got that revelation, I worked on doing so, and it made a huge difference. We still message almost daily, even if it's just a quick hello. And I learned how to separate and deal with the fact that I'm only ever gonna fall for someone I know first as a friend, and never want to jeopardise that relationship by letting other stuff get in the way.
Side note: if you were feeling gorgeous and amazing, I wanna see so I can emphatically agree! 😁
Oh Lee these are such wise words and realizations! "...that, actually, it would be way, way, way 1000x worse to keep on as I was, than it would be to learn to love her as a friend and set the rest aside."
This piece really resonated...and as far as realizations in unexpected places go, a few years ago I started to come back into my body again...and the first memory I have of this was just walking across the carpet of my apartment. I felt the carpet on my feet for what seemed like the first time in my whole life. It was so unexpected (but also incredibly weird and delightful!), and it made me realize that I hadn't really been fully in my whole body for a while.
Ahhhhhh!! This is sooo relatable my god. But demisexual Lauren and non sober Lauren seem like a terrible combo for getting hints.
I always had sort of a crush on my *terrible ex-nothing*’s (let’s call him TEN) roommate. Nice roommate was always so kind, goofy and sweet but had a girlfriend. Also, I was too deep in my TEN chaos to clearly consider anyone else. We were all living in the same city and after awhile I left.
A year later I came back to the same city and nice roommate was single. I went to visit him for a week and once night, we had dinner with him and one of this friend. Said friend was asking a lot of questions about my relationship with TEN, about the kind of people I’d like to date and sort of winking to nice roommate a lot. Nice roommate looked embarrassed. I was confused but never thought too much of it.
We hang out a lot that week, it was lovely.
I left and he got in a new relationship.
A year after I that I realised how terrible TEN was (the worst), and felt like no one ever liked me.
That same night I woke up from a dream and realised that I’d like nice roommate all along and that I’m pretty sure he’d liked me back. And I started writing a letter to tell him how I felt (That sounds dramatic haha but it’s absolutely true).
I sent it. He eventually replied that my letter was very kind but he is in a relationship now.
I’m still glad I sent it.
So I guess the wierdest place is my sleep? I don’t know if that counts.
Love you LD 💕
WOW WOW WOW I LOVE ALL OF THIS! 🧡 I am so so glad you wrote the letter, too. Thank you so much for sharing. I love you!
A. I'd love to be at a cafe in a little town...my upper yard upon the plastic chair replacing the adirondack chairs amid the falling leaves and barren branches will have to do.
B. I love that you're wearing a mask, I too am not ready to be unmasked...the anxiety consumes me.
C. Sobriety is such a tricky little sister...I love her, but she teases me with solid thoughts and clarity, damnit.
D. A lovely piece to end the day...
🧡🧡🧡 Thank you so much for reading and these reflections, Kathleen!
When I realized I was not the one keeping me sober. That was the true and unexpected moment of clarity.
Cheers, friend! 💜
ALL OF THIS! 🧡🧡🧡
Oh the oblivious Laure . For some reason that doesn't surprise me one bit. Remember, with the drinking, also came a lot of terrible self-esteem, which doesn't make for a healthy "Hey maybe X is into me and that's what's going on!" moments.
A good few years ago now, I almost broke s friendship because I did the very rare thing (for me) of falling for someone. This someone was a friend, of course, cos that's how it works for me, and also straight (this was me pre-trans) and married and loved me too, but platonically.
This was ehile I was dealing with a mental breakdown which really didn't help because every kindness from anyone just hit even more deeply and painfully than usual.
I got jealous. I got sulky. I tried to cross boundaries. And fortunately she just kept those lines in place, and encouraged our friendship and the person she could see beyond the awful shit going on in my brain.
But it was the realisation that, actually, it would be way, way, way 1000x worse to keep on as I was, than it would be to learn to love her as a friend and set the rest aside.
Once I got that revelation, I worked on doing so, and it made a huge difference. We still message almost daily, even if it's just a quick hello. And I learned how to separate and deal with the fact that I'm only ever gonna fall for someone I know first as a friend, and never want to jeopardise that relationship by letting other stuff get in the way.
Side note: if you were feeling gorgeous and amazing, I wanna see so I can emphatically agree! 😁
Oh Lee these are such wise words and realizations! "...that, actually, it would be way, way, way 1000x worse to keep on as I was, than it would be to learn to love her as a friend and set the rest aside."
How painfully accurate. Thank you for sharing 🧡🧡🧡
This piece really resonated...and as far as realizations in unexpected places go, a few years ago I started to come back into my body again...and the first memory I have of this was just walking across the carpet of my apartment. I felt the carpet on my feet for what seemed like the first time in my whole life. It was so unexpected (but also incredibly weird and delightful!), and it made me realize that I hadn't really been fully in my whole body for a while.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this Kelsey. How powerful 🧡🧡
"...I feel her hand brush my back the way someone who loves you does..." I love this, it really made me smile and appreciate hugs more!
Thank you so much, Sarah! I felt very lucky indeed 🧡
Love that you met your friend in an unexpected way in an unexpected place at an unexpected time 💖 Serendipity works in mysterious & magical ways ✨
The universe knew we were meant to meet then and there 🧡🧡