volume thirty-four

I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?

HEY HEY! I have exciting news to share: You can now read hi, lauren deborah! in the new Substack app for iPhone. The Substack app is currently available for iOS. If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.

Sup? (a google search tells me the was a very cool way to say hi to your friends in the 90s but I have never used it so now is the time…)

I am deep in my moving (moving or going back to the bare minimum ready to see the world, both are true) plans and as a coping mechanism during this time — and to be fair for the last two years — I have been binge-watching movies from two categories:

1. Films I have seen a million times. I heard recently that a lot of us are revisiting old movies and shows we are so familiar with, because after the two years of *this* we are craving to know how something is going to pan out. NO MORE SURPRISES PLEASE! We have so much up in the air and so much uncertainty, we go where we know the ending by heart. It is comfortable and predictable and safe.

2. Closing my eyes and playing roulette on my watch list on various streaming platforms and actually watching them instead of scrolling and scrolling and scrolling trying to decide only to add more and more to the list and never actually pressing play.

As a result of watching movies from across time, I have discovered something major. The 90s were HUGE on wearing sunglasses in film. The more I watch modern cinema, I can’t help but notice how many people squint in the sun, who are out on sunny days driving or walking or shopping with no eye protection.

Maybe I am biased. And yes, there were plenty of sunglasses in other decades like the 80s, but the 90s stand out. Is it a coincidence that as a (just barely) 90s kid, sunglasses to me are a huge part of my lewk and I have many pairs to suit any outfit? I am also very protective of my precious eyes and how the sun can put them in danger, so you know, it stands out to me when someone isn’t doing the same in real life and as it turns out, in a movie. Truly unbelievable in my opinion.

Soooooo, I got to snooping to see if this was because the 90s were hella cool in many ways (also a biased opinion?) or if it was to do with wanting to see more expression on the actor's faces so they ditched the thing getting in the way? I have thoughts on this, as I think sunglasses can truly add depth and movement to the acting but that will become obvious as you make your way through today’s volume.

Either way, it truly sent me down a rabbit hole and while the list was LONG, I managed to narrow it down to some of my personal favourite films from the 90s and their equally impressive sunglasses.

Notting Hill, 1999

Anna Scott is a dream. From her suit and tie press day outfit to her braided hair and jeans birthday dinner look, she is flawless in every scene. The least of which is this iconic outfit that quickly gets orange juice spilled all over it — starting the epic love story. This is a look I have many a time tried to recreate. But no one can rock a beret like Julia can. Speaking of Julia, the silver medal goes to the scene in My Best Friends Wedding when she wore several pairs of sunglasses at once. PEAK STRESS BUT MAKE IT FASHION.

Reservoir Dogs, 1992

Almost all of the characters in this movie wear sunglasses but they’re not him. I love when they make a villain hot as hell. And Mr Blonde is hot as hell. He is absolutely banana town evil, but I can pretty much orgasm just by watching this GIF long enough so figure it out. Michael Madsen has a way of looking over his sunglasses and furrowing his brow while also smirking that makes me melt.

10 Things I Hate About You, 1999

I know that in the end Chastity ends up being a really shit friend, but that doesn’t stop her from being the coolest and prettiest person in the movie, okay? Gabrielle Union is effortlessly perfect and this movie is no exception. There is not a person on earth (prove me wrong!) that could make these glasses actually look good except for her. What a hero.

Clueless, 1995

Weird, because most people with the name Josh are total garbage (sorry, in my experience!!!) but Paul Rudd is, as always, an angel, and there is because of him, redemption for Joshes everywhere.

Fight Club, 1999

There is much to love about this pic, obviously. 😏 Tyler Durden oozes cool and coordination with his jacket, ring and of course, his sunglasses. I think this picture says it all, but I will say that the first time I watched this movie, it was presented to me as “it’s so good! It is about [insert the entire plot, including the twist]” which was fucking absurd that someone did that. If you have seen this, you know. If you haven’t seen this, what the heck? I just wanted to say that please don’t ever ruin it for someone who hasn’t, but if like me that happens for you, know that despite losing any element of mystery, this movie still absolutely kicks ass.

Natural Born Killers, 1994

Oops. Speaking of red sunglasses and also of super evil, super hot people in movies who could forget Mickey and Mallory? To be fair this has long been considered my favourite love story told on film and none of you can judge me for that because this is my choice. If people can consider Twilight (the story of an emotionally abusive, gaslighting old man who falls for a teenager) a love story, I can enjoy this. True (yes very twisted, in how they show it but you cannot argue) love. And Mickey’s sunglasses are red like the love in my heart.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day, 1991

I love this movie so, so, so much. It is my first (and especially for the longest time one of the only) memories of seeing a woman absolutely fucking kick ass on screen. I love Sarah Connor and I thank her every day for showing me women can absolutely be the strong hero. Of course, I could have mentioned Arnie, but that is too obvious. I wanted to focus on the transformation Linda Hamilton took from the first film to the second and the absolute powerhouse that she is, all while looking really fucking cool in her sunglasses.

Romeo and Juliet, 1996

As 90s as this take on Romeo and Juliet is (and as absolutely iconic as it is), Baz Luhrmann doesn't overuse sunglasses. I respect the hell out of him for every artistic choice he has ever made because his movies are a feast for all of my senses, and when he does something he makes it count. Like Abra and his sunglasses. Yes, I am assuming Baz has the biggest say in costume, without me actually knowing if that is true.

Empire Records, 1995

Not only does Lucas have the best lines like:

“Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear.”

“I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.”

“What’s with today, today?”

And of course “DAMN THE MAN!”

But Lucas rocks glasses in this film and adds to the long list of coloured shades featured in my research.

Mermaids, 1990

I am kind of cheating as this movie is set in the 60s but it has full-on 90s vibes with a cast of dreamboat women: Cher, Winona and Christina. I wanted to be them all, and I still do. This GIF perfectly shows how sunglasses are more than an accessory, they can say so much with how you use them, which further upsets me I barely see them on the screen anymore. Cher setting the standard for us all, as she should.

Girl Interrupted, 1999

Firstly, this is one of my favourite books and favourite movies so I had to find a way for it to make the list.

Secondly, Winona is a dream and her movies appear twice on this list, both released in the 90s, both set in the 60s. No comment, just an observation.

However, it’s not Winona who rocks the shades for this instalment, it is Lisa played by Angelina Jolie. She is cool and wicked and I can basically hear this photo telling me “let’s go”.

Ghost, 1990

I have mentioned before how I don’t think anything can “make you bisexual” but if it did, it would be this movie for me. My current haircut is inspired by Demi Moore, my bisexuality is inspired by Demi getting spicy with Whoopi who is Patrick. And my sunglasses love is at an all-time high with this peak 90s fashion.

far too obvious honourable mentions

The Matrix, 1999: I think this quote from Carrie-Anne Moss AKA Trinity says it all: “After ‘The Matrix,’ I cannot wear sunglasses. As soon as I put them on, people recognize me.”

Men in Black, 1997: Of course.

Jurassic Park, 1993: I mean, the entire first 45 seconds of this clip

Ace Ventura, 1994: Because Jim Carrey is obvious, and I couldn’t find a scene where Courtney Cox wore sunglasses and if she isn’t included, what is the point?

The Big Lebowski, 1998: It is only an honourable mention and not on the main list as I never actually watched this movie, only the first ten minutes before it was interrupted by a make-out sesh, so, I have yet to revisit. I think my resistance to watching is how often it is quoted on dating apps by cis straight men (along with Seinfield and The Office) as a way to sound cool, so I just don’t want to like it.

That’s it! For me, I truly saw so much of the early influences of my sexuality revealed in this list and that is something I did not expect when I began writing this on Monday.

I hope this helped you escape reality for a few minutes, maybe brought a smile to your face, or even inspired your watching list for this weekend!

I love you,

Lauren xoxo

Three things I struggled with this week:

• Apparently, all I needed to do the last two years to find people to hang out with, was sell off all of my things because I’ve met so many cool queers this last week and I’m fairly certain it’s because we all have impeccable taste. 🤦

• Wow, my heart ached for karaoke the heartbreaking way I would yearn over an ex while I watched 500 Days of Summer. 🎤

• Using comedy and writing to work through my own struggles and life has been magic. I am so grateful. It is not, however, how I educate myself or choose to show up when it comes to others' hardships — no matter the scale — in my direct world or globally. I try to create this substack as a distraction for myself and any of you who might need it, and just wanted to say I feel the pressure to address all of the heartbreaking shit that happens that matters far more than sunglasses in film, for example. However, I encourage you all to do that in your own way, in your own time, in your own capacity. Allow yourself a silly little distraction here if you like, because it is overwhelming and we need to make sure we take care of ourselves so we have anything in us to show up elsewhere.🤗

Three blessings from this week:

• Another week, another dog to love and care for. This week I am Fairy Dog Mother to Goliath. Our daily walks are a very welcome breath of fresh air (literally and metaphorically) as you know from past issues leaving the house for me lately has been tough. 🐕

• So I have started selling off all of my possessions and as a result, my apartment is feeling pretty empty. I have rearranged it now, and it makes zero sense as a long term set-up as the table is right in the way of everything BUT for the next few weeks, I am facing the beautiful view and will get to watch the sunset each day as I work. 🌇

• I have secured the perfect place to live for my next chapter. The bedroom has a big window to pop my desk in with lots of sunshine coming in, a huge sunroom for a change of writing scenery, my own bathroom (WHAT?), in a gorgeous area of the city (close to the water, to see the mountains and walking distance to the gay village YES!), a roommate that is like a friend and a mumma to me, and another roommate who is a cool vegetarian queer woman so of course we are gunna be BFF’s. Oh, and it’s well within my budget. Feeling very much like I am on the right track the more that falls into place and am feeling beyond grateful. 🏠

Three goals for the coming week:

• Record Season Three of my podcast! It is in the works, and exciting changes are happening — stay tuned! 🎧

• Remove the art from my walls and start to sell off what I cannot take with me.😢

• As I continue to use up the items in my pantry before I leave, I will make vegan choc-chip cookies this weekend and it will be so so so fun! 🍪

What I am enjoying this week: 

A dear friend Amie writes the most wonderful substack: the micro mashup. She says so much in so few words (an art I am obviously very jealous of haha) in this digital collage of “microbursts of joy and sorrow”. I love it! It’s beautiful and moving and evocative.

If you feel inclined to say thanks for this post, please like or comment (it’s free and means so much!), forward it to a friend or you can buy me a slice 🍕