volume seventy

already gone

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I have been very emotional this week friends, as I get ready for this next chapter.

Emotional in that I am over-the-moon excited, disgustingly heartbroken at leaving things here, for now, and all at once wanting to hurry up and get on that freaking plane because living my life in chapters is the best decision I ever made. I’m so happy I have leant into it. This week I am writing you another listicle (YAY!). This one is of the ways I am coping AKA letting those happy or sad tears fucking flow. I love a good cry.

1. Singing to my plants, wondering how they will cope without being sung to for six months, wondering if they’ll prefer it that way (if you listen to the audio, you can enjoy(?) my vocals)

2. Starting Scrubs from the beginning, for the millionth time, and laughing and crying in 20-23 minute increments

3. Listening to my do you need a cry? playlist… I may be listening to it right now as I write to you ON FULL FUCKING VOLUME. I not only need to feel it in my soul, but I must also feel it overtake every other sense in my body. That is how loud it needs to be. I’m skipping the songs that just aren’t doing it for me right now, they are made for crying over other things. Should I subcategorise my crying playlist?

4. Eating cheese, even though I am lactose intolerant. It makes me feeeeeeeel things, okay? Maybe those things are tummy aches but maybe it’s a sensation for my tastebuds that take me to another level of the universe, too

5. Journaling, all the feels, brain dumping (and tear dumping) on the page a little more than usual before bed to clear some space for dreams. If that doesn’t cut it, maybe I will get distracted part-way through a task and end up on my bedroom floor reading old journals and really getting those emotions flowing. BIG MISTAKE

6. Tea, then just sobbing over how perfect tea is in autumn

7. Burning all of my incense for more intentional sensory overload. Ridiculous, I know, but I need to be shoved into fight mode this week so I’ve just got everything going

8. Diving into my novel head first, writing about things from my past and giving those experiences to characters and ~ processing ~ that time in my life

9. Sitting on a bus bench, eating a slice of pizza (cheeeeeeeesey goodness) laughing with folks after meetings

10. Complimenting strangers (sincerely, of course) and letting that sorcery of delight in telling someone their coat is fucking fab, serve me as adrenalin for the day

11. Seeking out endorphins through morning yoga, then crying during the meditation afterwards

12. Thinking about (I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WATCH IT THIS WEEK BUT THINKING ABOUT IT WORKS) P.S. I Love You

13. Watching the 7-second video I took of my grandparents waving me goodbye on the driveway as I drove away on my last visit, sobbing, and knowing it will be them waving me hello so, so, soon. Gosh, they’re so cute

14. Dropping books off at the street library exchange and not taking any with me feels like such a dramatic moment every time I do it and the perfect excuse to cry

15. Styling my hair differently due to it growing longer and then lapping up all the compliments. YES! Give me more! I feel aliiiiiiiiiive!

16. Staring at the sky, or the mountains, or the snow on the mountains, or the trees, or the red and orange leaves on the trees, or the squirrel in the tree for long periods of time like they’re one of those screensavers you put on the TV as background ambience that eventually suck you into a trance, and just whispering “gosh, you’re perfect”

17. DOGS! Petting them, telling them how good they are, holding their perfect ears one in each hand

18. Pulling tarot cards looking for any reason to cry (from joy or otherwise, I am not picky)

19. Soft boiling eggs and then when they hard boil, even though I did ev-er-y-thing that I normally would (!!!) convincing myself this is just another sign I am ready to go, clearly I am distracted, right?

20. Freddie Mercury. Period.

How do you feel your feels? Let me know in the comments.

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got an idea for a future volume? want to hear my thoughts on something? feel I am not sharing enough? ask me an anonymous question and I will answer it in a future post.

here are three things I struggled with this week:

🙋 Asking for help.

💔 No matter how much practice I get — and I keep getting so much practice — goodbyes are still so hard.

🥑 Eating all the food in my fridge before I go. I never thought this would be the challenge that it is. WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH? (This likely should have found a place in the list above, too.)

here are three blessings from this week:

🤟 Realising that blocking someone online (especially from an account they likely don’t even know exists) doesn't need to be hostile or about them at all, sometimes it's about me and letting go of the need to check in on them. It’s about releasing my grip on the tabs I keep.

🧳The shedding of ~things~ has resulted in a very easy pack of my suitcase. Choosing what comes with me and what goes in a cupboard for the next six months did not result in an agonising “MY BAG IS TOO HEAVY, HELP!” level of stress. Also, I applied my step-by-step for packing.

🫂 Fellowship.

here are three goals for the coming week:

🪂 Stay safe out there, y’all. It’s cuffing season and your inboxes and text threads are in danger. My goal is to HANG ON FOR DEAR LIFE until I escape to the sunshine and freedom of down under.

✏️ Sticking to my early morning novel writing and working on this love letter to you later in the day has proved to be a huge success. Keep that flow going.

🚰 Stay hydrated! Easy to forget in the cold weather and during busy times. For every “drink water!” comment I get on this post, we all have to take a big sip!

here is something I enjoyed this week: 

I think I have been too all over to gather my thoughts on this, this week. So I will just say that Writers’ Hour, as always, and the wonderful friends there, have been my anchor. Join us?

pics or it didn’t happen:

another coping mechanism requires a visual: me documenting things in my neighbourhood to look at when I miss it: the alley behind my house at sunset

I love you,

LD

xoxo