πWritten and recorded from Seattle, overlooking Lake Washington with two big, cuddly, loving dogs asleep in the room with me.
βοΈ This is part 3 of my lockdown journals. You can read part one here and part two here.
2020
July 30th: Thunder rumbled for over thirty minutes as the sky slowly darkened out of my window. I was on the couch reading and seeing it come in. It was so cool and slow. Then it hit! Rain!! Lightning! It was magic. When it all cleared the sky was pink, purple and blue fluffs of clouds and I teared up looking out at how beautiful it was.
August 5th: I miss my Halifax* friends. Grateful Iβll always have a home there with my family there!
*This hits different if you read last weekβs volume.
August 8th: I had my first Life Coaching session and it completely turned my mood around. I am meant to be here. I worked so hard to get here! This time in our lives is only going to show me what Iβm made of and I canβt wait! Whatever is on the other side of this is going to be my destiny.
August 10th: Spent 30 minutes on the phone with Nan and Pop today. I love it. Nan gossips with me and vents to me like I am her bestie and Poppy still can have a laugh and tell me heβs happy for me, even if it takes him a few goes. I told him he is so tough and he told me how all of his friends understand that he is just βgetting oldβ. We laughed* because he went for coffee with friends this morning after the gym and he accidentally put salt instead of sugar in his coffee. I told him at least he is still a jokester always making people laugh.
*I miss when his dementia was as innocent as this and we could laugh about it together.
August 13th: Today in the mail, all the way from Dublin, I got my βQueerβ* necklace. I am so grateful for the wonderful human who made it and posted it with such care.
*Itβs a gold necklace and the half-moon-shaped charm has βqueerβ stamped into it. I still have it, wear it, love it.
August 22nd: Life coaching introduced me back to meditation today β which I loved. We discussed bringing my idea and version of spirituality back into my life and what that looks like for me. Iβm really looking forward to speaking to a Higher Being in gratitude and in times of need.
August 23rd: I discovered a GIANT magical bookstore today! My new happy place!
August 26th: I love my family! I did [my IG series I did in lockdowns] with [my niece and nephew] tonight and it was just adorable. I am so proud of them. Theyβre such kind, funny, smart kids. I hope they never lose their spark of wild and weird like most of us do.
August 28th: I came up with a great podcast (?) idea today β My Dad Stole My Limelight β Iβm going to take my time with this and think on it. I think this is the platform Iβm destined to make my βthingβ. As [a friend] told me today: Find the thing that when you do it, time flies because youβre enjoying it so much. Then make that the goal and focus.
September 1st: Iβm constantly learning about my intuition and how in tune I am with it. Iβm very grateful for my gut leading the way a lot.
September 5th: WHAT A DAY! I woke from a dream that gave me butterflies all day β manifesting a life I dream of during the daytime too β I canβt wait but I am also so happy about the here and now. My life coach session was amazing. The tarot, the methods and talks about boundaries, and me breaking down my barriers and properly opening up and crying and releasing and being open and myself is awesome and Iβm so grateful for her.
β¦
We braved a patio. The first in 6 months. I was so happy and excited to feel a little βnormalβ again, while also feeling terrified.
September 13th: I was in bed for hours this morning: journaling, reading, manifesting, drinking teaβ¦while it rained outside. The perfect day and the perfect way to spend a Sunday.Β
September 15th: I GOT A NEW APARTMENT!*
*Hi, I move a lot. Itβs my thing. Now I am just becoming a Digital Nomad: leaning into my desire to move around without packing up a whole house every time.
September 20th: The last of the park hangs for the season and what a day it was.*
*I remember the weather was perfect, the rosΓ© flowed, the snacks were galore and it was so joyful. I also remember there was the looming dread within me the entire day: βWinter is coming so our ability to hang out with other people is going to disappear as we all venture back insideβ.
September 26th: I wasnβt going to as I felt uncertain and shy, but right in the last few minutes of our session it just came out and I told [my life coach] about my podcast idea* and she teared up and got so excited and thatβs what weβre going to work on in upcoming sessions and it was so overwhelming to have such a positive, supportive, amazing reaction. We are going to set up pitches and she is going to connect me with folks she knows and Iβm so over the moon and in disbelief and Iβm SO GRATEFUL!
*Hi we are here, three years later!
Lovely reader, did any creative ideas birth themselves to you during the lockdowns? I would love for you to share them in the comments.
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here are three things I struggled with this week:
πΊ I have had so much to do for so long that spare time has just meant checking-something-off-the-list time. I am ready for the new era.
βοΈ Saying yes to some things and no to others.
π« The one million thoughts/questions/plans running through my head at any given time.
here are three blessings from this week:
π₯¨ Seeing a long line for a bakery and deciding it was a line worth joining. I made the right choice and enjoyed a fresh pretzel and mustard for morning tea and a divine sourdough loaf to munch on while in Seattle.
π₯Ή Very affectionate dogs.
π My Vancouver home just faces a certain way and is surrounded by other buildings in such a way, that I have to walk a few blocks to ever see the moon. In Seattle, I saw her every morning on the morning dog walk and from the view in the loungeroom every night shining over the lake.
here are three goals for the coming week:
π§οΈ I realised that while a rainy and cold day might equal a little seasonal depresh for me (and that is likely due to the fact I plan an entire day indoors which then usually equals just overloading myself with work), getting caught in the rain unexpectedly makes me feel wildly alive and happy. So maybe the goal is to not check the weather and plan my day as if it is always a good idea to go outside.
π Re-train myself how to be spontaneous again and how to use spare time.
β Write in coffee shops, work at a desk.
pics or it didnβt happen:
I love you. Now I am off to explore Nashville! On the day you have this land in your inbox, I am here! π€ Iβm going to do all of the things on the list and enjoy all of the pockets of open windows meant for exploring and seeing where the day takes me.
Yay, Cowboy LD! You show Nashville you know how to have a good time
The lockdown was a weird time for me and Cuddles. We began it trapped in the house she grew up in: nothing but terrible memories and stress.
We managed to get into our now house that we own together, but that process was ao stressful I had a mini break from reality.
Then there was our wedding ceremony to organise, and a honeymoon which we were fortunate fit right between two separate variants of covid happening!
All of that on top of getting used to new physical limitations and pain, and my mental health starting off pretty bad...I barely wrote for years. But I've somehow managed to produce a story every 2 weeks for almost 3 years now. Just keeping that fire burning low, enjoying new challenges, and sometimes slogging through til I wanted to tear my hair out. But I got through.
Being here, and making some new creative friends online, that brought me back. But it was during that rough time, while I was slogging, that I began testing myself, and storing story and creative ideas away.
But the main thing I somehow managed, was to run a ttrpg for a year (Jump Rangers - written by my good friend Tenny), and that made me take the ttrpg I'd begun creating years ago out of some books I wrote, and give it a complete rewrite into something much better, with input from some beta players. That project is not yet finished. I need to go check and rewrite some more bits again, but I want it to go into book form and for sale. Planning that for next year.
"it is always a good idea to go outside." YES, I must remember this. Soooo jealous that you are in Nashville, somewhere I really wanna go. Lots of pix please! xx