volume one hundred and sixty-two

things about spiders, and me

📍Written from Kaurna land (otherwise known as Adelaide), after running back from the park to follow up on good news.

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• When I was ten or eleven, I dyed my hair for the first time. Hot pink. I stood waiting to cross the street on Sunday and thought about how happy that had made me. Then someone with pink hair walked past me and smiled. I thought about how I would do it given I am taking care of someone else’s house and don’t want to ruin their towels. The light went green, I crossed the street and someone walking towards me held a box of pink hair dye in their hands. The day’s plans were made.

• When I was younger I stood in the backyard — which was a large green unfenced space in the countryside — and drew on my fold-out chalkboard. On the weekend I took my sketchbook to a public garden and sat and drew. A young child in a princess dress came up to me and said “I like your drawing!”

• On weekends as a child, I would wake before everyone else and devour an entire Babysitter’s Club book. I found one at a second-hand bookstore a few weeks ago and the first thing I have done the last two Sundays is open that book. On the most recent Sunday, I did one thing beforehand and that was grabbing a slice of cold pizza from the fridge for breakfast.

• From the age of four, when we moved onto acreage, I was taught to shake my shoes before putting them on in case a spider crawled in. And to never go barefoot onto the grass in funnel web season. And how spiders keep your home fly and mosquito-free. Spring is here and with it, the arrival of a huntsman in the kitchen. I named her Priscilla.

• I always loved being pushed on the swing but was never pushed as high as I wished. I have passed several playgrounds that have been empty lately. I have been swinging as high as the bar, peering over it to be among the tree tops.

• When we wanted to swim as children, we could take the dirt road down to the running rapids and clear creek. Last week, taking the same bush trail I have taken for three weeks with the dogs, there was enough stillness in me and the surrounds to see at the bottom of the dip, running rapids into a luscious creek.

• The first CD I ever got was The Lion King soundtrack which I choreographed in its entirety in the loungeroom with my older sister. During the past week, while cooking dinner, dinner burned while Be Prepared became a 3:40 dance interval.

• When I was growing up on the property, all I wanted was to be useful for the outdoor jobs my dad would take care of. I chipped a nail last week. Instead of my usual attempt to file and save my $100 shellac orange investment, I peeled every bit of polish off, got out the nail clippers and removed every single one. Then I got dirt under my nails planting in the garden and mowing the lawn.

• When I was seven, I was at a party at one of our neighbour’s places. The parents thought that I had convinced all the other children I saw fairies in the bushes. I did see fairies in the bushes. A few nights ago I was reading Pamela Anderson’s book. She saw fairies too. Walking the next day I found a hollow tree where they absolutely live.

• When I was a child if I didn’t know what something was, I would just make it up. Last weekend I went to a botanical garden with no labels on the flowers and plants. My friend and I exchanged texts of the photos and created our own magical, mystical, wonderful names. 

• Nanny and Poppy would make the drive to our little farmhouse every Christmas, before taking us with them back to their little beach house from Boxing Day until New Year’s Eve. On Tuesday, during our weekly phone call, I was asked “So are you coming to spend Christmas with Nanny again this year?”

• I tried to get my tabby cat, Toby, to let me push him around in my toy pram. He never did. The two small dogs currently in my care have tiny t-shirts, can be picked up with one hand and one of them very much likes to be my waltzing partner as we spin around the lounge room and I serenade him.

• The grass, the loungeroom and the verandah were all my stage and I wrote and performed for any adult who would sit and watch. Every week, finally, as I have finally committed to it without fear, I get up on stage and perform things I have written to any adult who will listen.

• Birds would bring out the most joy, they were to be called out to, acknowledged, greeted out loud. Somewhere along the way, I became afraid of them. Lately, there has been a lot of “Hi Maggie!” to the magpies, “DUCK!” to ponds, and “Ahhhhhh, look!” whispered to the dogs as rosellas land on the lawn out front.

Lovely reader, head into the comments and tell me is little you close by often?

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here are three things i struggled with this week:

🤡 Sleep. But I am nearly at the end of the stretch of choosing (too) silly schedules.

🌊 Drinking water. Like, if it is not 24+ degrees outside I just forget. Yet another reason endless summers are meant for me.

✨ Pushing ahead without waiting for inspiration to strike. It’s not guaranteed.

here are three blessings from this week:

🩷 Little Loz. Every single thing in this volume.

📖 Morning pages have been exceptionally helpful, as always, this week.

🎶 Musical buskers and having lots of spare change.

here are three goals for the coming week:

🦘 Acknowledging the fear and doing it anyway.

❤️‍🔥 Addressing where I am too structured, ask myself if I can let it go, and loosen the reigns a little. Or a lot.

🌞 Lunch breaks in the sun.

pics or it didn’t happen:

praise be

I love you and I appreciate you reading my letters because I really enjoy writing them to you.

🧡, LD (lauren deborah | they/she)