volume ninety-nine
a decade in the making
Hello lovely readers,
This is a little reminder of your last chance to vote on what will be my 100th volume next week! Head on over to this thread, and like an existing comment that you agree with or add what you think I should write about as your own comment! The comment with the most likes on Monday will be the topic of volume 100! At the time of writing this, there is currently a tie, so get to hitting that like button!
In 2013, I read about a practice of a Happy Thought Jar. It is exactly what it sounds like: where you write down a happy thought from every day, crumple it up, throw it in the jar, and at the end of the year you have 365 fond memories to read. And then it is like none of the bad shit ever happened! Apparently!
As we creep up to the milestone that is my 100th volume (pinch me), I go over those thoughts now unfolded and glued into journal pages. I am reflecting on what has changed and what has not, a decade in the making.
In 2013 I had a roommate who was a backpacker from Germany, he moved out to continue his travels and as a farewell gift, he had learned Angie by The Rolling Stones on his ukulele (because I was obsessed with the song at the time, obviously) and sang it for me. This past weekend, in 2023, I hung out with a dog named Angie and sang her that song. I always think of that roommate when I hear that song.
In 2013, my second roommate was a delightful human from New Zealand that I fell madly in love with. On one of his last days living with me, I came home to the apartment lit up with colourful glass lanterns he had purchased me, fresh bruschetta and a fridge full of Snack Packs because our love language was quoting Billy Madison. Sorry, of course, I was in love with this man. On his last night in Australia, we went to a group dinner and I Don't Want To Miss A Thing came on, he grabbed my hand and we dramatically serenaded each other. In 2023 I now know what demisexuality is and am all up in how that was a demisexual dream scenario.
In 2013 I was cleaning my house with daytime TV on, and Ellen gave a 40th birthday tribute to Portia that stopped me while walking behind the couch and resulted in me flopping over the back of it in tears. Little Lauren was yet to admit her queerness, really even to herself. In 2023, I send her love for the note that says “Hope is my happy thought”.
In 2013 I attended Soundwave Music Festival and my highlights were: Linkin Park, Blink 182, Metallica and The Offspring. In 2023, I have no recollection of ever seeing Metallica and only know from this note. They have been on my must-see list for a while and yet... I was in my music festival era and every now and then, present-day Lauren recalls the fact that she was once blackout drunk seeing something she wishes she could remember.
In 2013, I purchased tickets to see Aerosmith. In 2023 they announced their Peace Out final tour and I am in the grieving process of accepting that despite the fact I assumed I would see them again one day, I will not.
In 2013 I created art on canvases. Last week I made the commitment to actually, intentionally, pick up my art materials in my hands again.
In 2013 my little sister invited me to her high school graduation festivities. In 2023 she graduated from university (and is the only person in our family to do so because she is amazing).
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In 2013 my third roommate (he was from New York) and I would say goodnight and then stand in the hallway at our bedroom doors talking for several hours. In 2023 my current roommate and I make a coffee at the same time and then abandon all plans for kitchen talks.
In 2013 my older sister’s third child was born and I was there to witness it. In 2023, they brought home their fifth child and their family is complete.
In 2013 I craved balance in my life. In 2023 I think I am actually making progress with that goal.
In 2013 I wrote about my lovely younger cousin being wonderful. In 2023 she is one of my best friends.
In 2013 I was tasked with running social media accounts for work for the first time. In 2023 I deleted my final social media account.
In 2013 I spent a lot of evenings snuggled on the couch with wine. In 2023 I spend a lot of evenings snuggled in my bed with words.
In 2013 I bawled when my favourite singer was eliminated from reality TV. In 2023, same, same.
In 2013 I saw my grandparents twice and wrote how I wished I could see them weekly. In 2023 I will have lived with them for about half of the year.
In 2013 a co-worker brought special glasses to work so we could look at the partial eclipse together. In 2023 the moon is my Higher Power.
In 2013 I saved a smaller bird from the crows attacking it. In 2023 I am working step four with my sponsor and “crows” made my fears list.
In 2013 I raised $635.65 for charity by being sober for a month. In 2023 I do that shit for free/freedom.
Lovely reader, when I mention 2013, what comes to mind for you?
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here are three things I struggled with this week:
🌧️ Vancouver summer is a lie.
🫶 Trusting the process and not forcing solutions.
📓 Remaining in the moment while I purge all these old memories.
here are three blessings from this week:
🐶 Sleepovers with friends that consist of dogs sleeping on either side of you.
👋 Letting go of a plan that I held onto so tightly, and making room for a new one.
🥔Mashed potatoes.
here are three goals for the coming week:
🧘 Less weights, more yoga.
🏔️ Hang onto the intentions I set on the new moon, let them be my mountaintop.
🙏 Rest.
here is something I enjoyed this week:
One of my favourite writers and people,
has started a substack and it is nothing short of breathtaking. Please do yourself a favour and go and absorb the wonder, here.pics or it didn’t happen:
I love you. Now I am off to get a mani-pedi (I cut them from my budget to follow my dreams and quit my not-dream-following-work but it is wedding week so I am treating myselfffffffffff). My dress is orange, and my nails will be something different. TBD! 💅
LD
xoxo
In 2013...
I turned 30
I finished my degree
And then I came out as trans 😁
I think I actually did something very similar to this in that year and I have still not opened that jar. I am not 100% certain I even have it anymore because I cannot remember where it is anymore. I needed in order to get me through what was a truly shitty uni experience and my pessimistic self needed to try and focus on at least one positive - I think a lot of the time it was food related!