volume ninety-eight

the first time I travelled overseas

It has been almost a decade since the first time I travelled overseas. I was the first in my family with a passport (still one of the very few to own one) and so much has changed since I stepped onto a long-haul flight for the first time. I have learned and evolved and grown and become a savvier traveller since then.

The Lauren that booked a trip to Mexico and Los Angeles — solo — all the way from her little cocktail-filled bubble of Noosa, Queensland, wasn’t ready for how much travel was about to become a part of her life as much as possible. It would take until recently to fully commit to what my heart was calling for, the years in between spent chasing boys or jobs — neither of which were what I really wanted but what I thought I was supposed to want — and now I am chasing the never-ending takeoff and landing of my life. Start after start after start until I get too tired.

I no longer list the same emergency contact when travelling. Back then that was the only logical option and now distance in location and in our relationship means they’d be well down the list to find out if something were to happen to me. I don’t actually have a solid emergency contact, which can be confronting at times. It really depends on the trip. If I am in Australia, it is one of my sisters — usually the older one who is more responsive to any outreach. If I am in Canada or the USA, it is one of my close friends, one from the handful. But even so… which one do I bother in the unlikely event of an emergency? Who has all the info they need about me, my medical history, my family’s contacts… do any of them have that?

On my first trip, my Mum drove me to the airport and stayed waving as I passed through security and boarded my plane until she could no longer see me. Now I book shuttle buses to the airport and all of my goodbyes are done in the comfort of someone else’s home because that is what works best for me.

My first trip saw me held in customs lines so long that I missed my connecting flight and had to wait hours before boarding a different flight, sleeping in Mexico City airport for 8 hours overnight when nothing was open and then boarding yet another flight to arrive much later than planned. All of this has made me a better planner of layovers and a better packer of essentials in my carry-on like a change of clothes, socks and underwear and plenty of face wash, moisturiser and toothpaste. (Reach out for my How to Make the Very Most of 100ml Bottles in a 1L Plastic Baggy guide). My first trip took me over 50 hours to get from my home to my destination, and I was ready for anything after that. 

On my first trip, I bawled my eyes out many times navigating unexpected changes and strangers in airports made me laugh with awkward interactions. 

On my first trip, I left an LA sunset and saw oranges in the sky I had never experienced before. I flew over Mexico City at night and have never in my life seen so many lights. I saw more planes flying overhead than I could count and I became aware of just how many people are travelling at any given time. My world was opened up in ways I never knew and the unplanned layover allowed me to see just how big a city might be. I had no idea up until then. 

My first time travelling exposed me to what would become one of my favourite things to do for a very long time: have an excuse to drink a Jim Beam and Coke at sunrise. Airports became a place I could enjoy time with my favourite man at any time of the day under the assumption that anyone around could assume it was 5pm wherever I was flying from, even when it wasn’t.

My first trip meant I had to board a bus and purchase a ticket, all of which was not part of my initial plan — and I had to do it all in a language I did not speak. It made me feel capable of so much more than I had given myself credit for and it made me much more aware that the world did not see me as the main character.

The first time I travelled I tasted authentic food directly from people’s home kitchens. My tastebuds discovered flavours and cooking styles and the art of patience in waiting for a good meal, something they had never taken the time to do before.

On my first trip, I got used to the fact that not every place does things the one and only way I had only ever done them my whole life.

The first time I travelled I learned that air guitar can be a universal language, especially if you have a tattoo of Slash on your arm.

On my first trip, I swam in clear water, fresh like I had never known, unpolluted, with no sight of the bottom. I was exposed to the expansiveness of the earth for the first time.

The first time I travelled I discovered how cheap drinking is in certain places and how much I liked that and would be one of the first things I would report back to my family with. “Did you know you can get an entire jug of Sangria for the equivalent of $6?”

The first time I travelled I saw animals I had only ever seen before on the television (channel surfing, skipping past nature documentaries to watch sitcoms). I wished my Geography teacher in high school whose class I failed could see me now. All I ever have to do is visit a place and then I know where it is on a map. Could they not have taught us that?

On my first trip, I discovered the beauty of talking openly and vulnerably with new people. I realised not everyone lives the way I do, and not everyone cares either. I learned that adults learning new things fills my heart with so much joy. I learned how it felt to play as an adult without judgement. I felt the joy of giving without wanting anything in return, probably for the first time.

The first time I travelled I learned about history that far exceeded anything I had ever known, in the short, white colonisation focussed history I had been taught in school. I experienced the awe of time for the first time, and became aware of the grandness in which life has existed well before me, and will continue to exist long after me too.

On my first trip, I was exposed to the (what would become very addicting) attention from men that I get being from somewhere different. I went with it and I flirted with men for special treatment, for the idea of a holiday romance but without any action, for compliments and for free drinks. I would become aware that this was a power I possessed that was also societally expected and taught, for many years to come. It is heartbreaking and cringey to recall the performative nature of “Ooooh men, hubba hubba. I love sexy boys” (and other journal entries).

The first time I travelled I experienced the feeling of “I never want to leave” and the plans to return being made in my head. Little did I know this would happen again and again over the years and I would very rarely actually return, moving on to the next place.

Thank you to the version of Lauren who decided that what her heart wanted she was going to go after. It wasn't the norm — and it often still isn’t — to veer off the family track. This trip showed you that you could be and do what your heart desired, you didn’t need permission to trust your gut and to explore what it wanted.

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here are three things I struggled with this week:

🔮Listening to and recognising and giving in to and following the signs! They’re right there!

🔴 Pausing before speaking (retaliating).

🌞 Getting to sleep. Ahhhhh long summer nights! A good problem to have.

here are three blessings from this week:

😋 Leaving a market and being 90% made up of samosas.

🎤 Karaoke.

🍁 My gosh darn Canadian citizenship was approved! My ceremony is later this month! Almost a decade in the making! Dual citizenship here I come!

here are three goals for the coming week:

💃 Try on the dress with the shoes and make sure it works.

✏️ Hang out with my sketchbook with intention.

🙆‍♀️ Roll my darn shoulders back.

here is something I enjoyed this week: 

The votes coming in here! Have you voted?

pics or it didn’t happen:

my beautiful friend is getting marrrrrrrried and this is our shiny, happy, lovely dovey, glowy selfie from her bachelorette

I love you. Now I am off to enjoy the arrival of the sun (again, it comes and goes, a true player) in Vancouver.

LD

xoxo

🧡 get to know me a bit more over here