volume eleven

not to go on and on but I am going to

I am moving to a new apartment this weekend. I have mentioned this once or twice in previous additions and I am just a little bit excited about it. As I write this I had to switch off my light, because I have laundry on, and when someone in the building does laundry, the rest of us get strobe lights with the pulse of the cycle — neat huh? So yeah, I am over living here and just cannot wait! I am also the calmest I have ever been about moving, which is of course always a stressful scenario. There is a power greater than me on my side with this move. The universe has set a path of tiny little stars for me to see that have continuously lit up the way to get me this new home.

Let’s start with a few months ago — which I touched on in a previous edition — when I was miserable and desperately trying to find an apartment in Halifax, NS. Halifax was my first Canadian home and it has always felt like home. So of course when the pandemic got me to breaking points of isolation, frustration, sick of working from home, sick of being lonely, desperate for more, my thought was of course to move back there. It made sense. Some of my favourite people in the world live there. It’s beautiful there. It’s somewhere I have always said I will return to one day, so what better time than now?

would you believe me when I told you the people behind us as well as behind the camera are my friends too? I don’t have a pic of all the people I love in Halifax so I picked one where I look the best — just trust me Halifax holds my heart, k?

I aggressively apartment hunted, I applied to everything, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. I must have applied for five or more apartments a week for more than two months. Some days there was nothing new in the search as I refreshed it. Other days there were one or two okay-ish places, but they were there and available, so away I went. Once or twice there was the dream place that ticked all my boxes.

No matter what kind of apartment it was, no matter how quickly I responded (and it was quick — I was refreshing multiple times a day) I was always around the 20th or 30th applicant in line and because of the demand, the rental prices were very increased. It was hopeless. I was stressed, I had my head and my heart set on leaving and getting there. I had it all planned out. I had work lined up with some folks there in a few places to both bring me the finances I wanted and also to keep pursuing my passions. I was going to settle into a quieter lifestyle, reconnect with all my lovely friends, and pick back up where I left off.

But I am not the person I was when I left off. My life was much different then. My nights used to be spent working late then dancing late. I used to enjoy all of the patios and the cool bars and live music after working in bars and comedy clubs into the wee hours, but now I am sober so what would that look like now? I know Halifax has so much more to offer than just places to drink, and I have also been made aware that I am perfectly capable of dancing the night away in my sobriety — but was I really thinking about all of that when I thought about how much fun I used to have living there? So much has changed.

I wasn’t thinking about it, but someone was. Despite my best efforts, despite impeccable rental references and flawless applications, I got so many “we are so sorry you seem perfect but there were just people ahead of you we have to go to first”. More than that, there was mostly silence.

So after two months, I took a break. This was supposed to rid me of my anxiousness and sadness. It was only adding to it.

Then summer arrived. Then vaccines rolled out. Then the world (as I live in it) began to re-open. Suddenly this city I had grown to know as just my four walls was offering me delicious and rich food, delightful spontaneous music, beautiful art to fill every what-would-have-been blank space, divine chance meetings with like-minded people — the universe was giving me exactly what I needed, wanted, longed for, for who I am now, who I have grown to be. I was all of a sudden attracting people into my life who wanted and appreciated and valued the same things as me. Now, this city was offering me all of the pleasures, opportunities and connections I had for so long craved.

right after dose one / first signs of summer feels

So I decided to stay, just for a little bit. I would delay my move by a few months and stay for the summer and fall.

But these opportunities and chance meetings kept on coming. People who were on similar paths as me, or even just a few steps ahead happy to take me along for the ride, kept entering my life. Doors began to open — in my creative life, in my career and in my heart and soul. So I decided to stay a little longer.

Montreal is a city that everyone told me it could be. I am so glad I waited it out. I am so glad someone out there was on my side, making sure I wasn’t able to force anything not meant for me, despite my desperate trying.

Then Montreal took it another step further. It gently presented me more and more with people, places, perspectives and connections that nudged me in the direction my heart was already calling me to.

It said less is more.

It asked what matters most?

It asked what do you want?

It asked what makes you happy?

It asked where are you willing to spend your money? What counts? What actually serves you and the person you want to be?

What is worthy of your time?

It presented me with my favourite Elizabeth Gilbert quote I have referenced before and will again and again because it never stops kicking my ass:

“What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you keep pretending you want?”.

So I decided it was time to downsize, to spend my money on travel and experience rather than rent. I began to look, and Montreal apartment hunting showed me this is exactly what the universe wanted me to do. I found a couple of places and I wasn’t behind a million people, now I had options, not desperations. These places were lovely but not quite right, and I had the opportunity to say thanks but no thanks and take my time to find the right new home for this new chapter.

If you clicked the link to a past edition of this newsletter (that I have already linked twice this week, no pressure, I won’t link it again now) you will know that after a few days of looking, I found it. I went in for my regular haircut and Christopher who cuts my hair — who I have had a lovely connection with for some time as Chris was the first person I spoke English with IN REAL LIFE after many months of lockdown after I arrived — and I got talking about neighbourhoods and places and as a result, I went home and expanded my search and then I was the first one to respond of 30+ people to my dream loft-style studio apartment.

This apartment is going to save me over five hundred dollars a month. This leaves space for spending on things that matter, and also alleviates the pressure of needing a bigger income as I bow out of one and step into another semi-adjacent but more me-focussed career path (more on that another time).

This apartment ticks all my boxes — like a bathtub, in-suite washer and dryer, a balcony (that gets an amazing sunset view thank you very much), lots of natural light, close to a park, pet friendly for dog sitting...and then some boxes I didn’t know I wanted to be ticked like a gym, pool and BBQs in the building and a supermarket on the bottom floor so I don’t need to brave the awful, cold Montreal winter snow for supplies if I do not want to. It is an open plan, so when cooking dinner I will be in the same room as my music is playing, or maybe my TV show is streaming, and all in all, this will be one giant room of Lauren.

This apartment is in a neighbourhood that has everything I need and nothing more — not hustle and bustle, just calm, quiet, loveliness.

I love the bulk store in my current neighbourhood so when looking at this one I googled to see if there was a bulk store nearby and wouldn’t you know? The same chain has a location around the corner.

The apartment is in a huge building, and of all the numbers it could have been, the number is 11 (my lucky number).

The date matched up perfectly with my moving date, which was a random date in October (moving day in Montreal is July 1st) so this was pretty special.

The movers were cheap and easy to book, with no stress.

All of the items I have wanted to shed have sold easily or been gifted to friends. I have nothing to shed at the last minute that has left me stressing out about how to get rid of it. I am calm.

I am a twenty-minute walk from my current home, so popping by to visit my friends, who have become family, in this current building, will be a must and easy thing to do.

The handover has been seamless. The universe is saying “yes, go!”

Then I met the current tenant, and we hit it off. We have shared our love for Brene Brown, for following our hearts, for pursuing passions, for living simply. Quite frankly, this chance meeting was not a chance at all. We shared a really special moment this week handing over the keys where we both shared how we were feeling about our next chapters — excited, grateful, blissfully emotional. 

We embraced and went our separate ways — with the promise to get together for dinner after we are both settled into our new homes. His partner and I have never met but are eager to, as she told him weeks ago “this was meant to be, you are meant to have Lauren in your life” and now we will all get together and share our life goals and passions and excitements in the coming weeks. Again attracting those magical people who are also going for it and living the life they desire.

I love you,

Lauren

xoxo

Three things I struggled with this week:

• This past weekend I attended a music festival. It was magical to dance with strangers in the outdoors! Fall is upon us so I decided to wear my (p)leather pants - which are super warm but also super stretchy so they’re comfy! What I didn’t account for was the fact that we planned to bike there. All rugged up ready for a cold evening, then jumping on a bike and going uphill made for a very sweaty Lauren who ended up walking her bike part of the way. The sweat lingered in my pants because, well they are plastic, then we had to park our bikes and walk a bit more before getting to the site where I could use the washroom to dry off. Well in the time that I walked, my temperature dropped so I was walking around with cold, wet legs. Needless to say, I have the sniffles this week as a result and this was both gross and hilarious.

• Packing. I am pretty good at it and to be honest, I have it down to fine art to get it done quickly, but it is exhausting nonetheless.

• It is official: they will be looking for someone to fill my position at work. This is a blessing that I can have an open and honest conversation with my boss about where I am at mentally, in life and in my capacities right now, so we can leave it on good terms where I stay and help with the transition, and leave myself open to future opportunities with them. The struggle is of course the uncertainty for myself of what is next, mixed with the bittersweetness of leaving the company (for now). Let the stress and anxiety creep in!

  

  quick pic right after we got off our bikes and right before my temp dropped leaving me cold and wet — cool cool cool.

Three blessings from this week:

• This past weekend I dined at O'Noir, and the experience was beautiful. For those of you who do not know, you are seated in a dining room that is completely dark. No, your eyes do not adjust, no there is absolutely nothing you can see. I had my hands in front of my face and didn’t see them. I was making up in my head what I imagined the room looked like: the size, the shape, the colour of the tablecloth and napkins and chairs. The servers are all blind and the experience is enlightening and special. My friends booked it and I had hesitations — are we making something some people live with every day a trivial experience? I don’t know how to feel about this. It turns out it was quite the opposite. I was quite panicked at first, to be honest, I was scared, then — I adjusted, thanks to the incredible server we had, Sammy. I have never had such a connection with a server — we relied on him for everything — if we needed to use the bathroom, to come and go, to find our food and drinks and I just cannot explain how it was without you experiencing it yourself. We used Sammy’s name when we spoke and he used ours, it was so personal because we relied on our ears to know if Sammy was there or not. At one point we thought he was talking to us and he was talking to another table which made us all laugh together. It was just a beautiful experience that brought us together with the staff and with the tables around us who we will never know. I left feeling calm. I left feeling so grateful and felt like I understood the life of those without their site a little more than I did going in. The food was phenomenal (especially as we chose to eat surprise options which was an experience), the service was impeccable, the whole experience was illuminating. I am so grateful and encourage you to go, I will go again and again.

• As I write this last newsletter from my current home, I am watching the squirrels in the tree outside my third-floor window run around taking leaves to build their nests and the little birds flutter and play in the branches. It is pretty magical.

• Grateful for a friend who helped me transport my precious plant babies and other delicate items to my new home earlier this week — leaving the bulky, boxed items for the movers on the weekend. Getting my precious items there safe was such a relief. I am very thankful to have shared that night and first moments in my new home with my friend, who as always, makes experiences meaningful, shares my excitements and feels, and overall just gets it.

Three goals for the coming week:

• Settle into my new home. Do less, relax more.

• Say goodbye to one chapter and welcome the next. Thank this home and this past year for all it has given me and where it has led me.

• TW: Mental health and suicide: Did you know that 1 in 5 people experience symptoms of mental illness each year? In fact, every day in Australia, 8 people will die from suicide. Mental illness can be debilitating and can have a devastating impact on not only those living with it, but those around them. This October, I’ll be walking to make a difference to the lives of people touched by mental illness and suicide! I'm fundraising to raise money for life-changing research into treatment and prevention of mental illness, as well as vital support services.  It would mean so much to me if you'd support my walk this October. I am almost halfway to my KM goal and am less than $100 away from my donation target! Every dollar helps!

What I am enjoying this week: 

This past week Comedy Gives Back hosted an incredible event, their Inaugural Celebrity Golf Classic, that I was lucky enough to volunteer (from afar) with. This organisation is run by badass women in comedy who do good things for good people! It was an honour to contribute and if you have a moment, I recommend checking out what they do, giving them a follow, and supporting them if you can!

the (p)leather pant debacle was worth it